2023 Year in Review
Oh boy
I just finished typing up about 15 pages of notes on this year. I'm going to do my best to condense and organize these below, but be warned that this may be long. My goals for the upcoming year will be at the bottom. If anyone has any comments on any of this, I’d love to hear them! You can reach me at my twitter.
Last year's Goals
I didn't do a comprehensive set of goals for 2023. Instead, I have "How to be cool, this semester specifically", where I wrote out a set of goals for the spring semester of 2023. On reading these, I feel a strange detachment. I'm surprised by how many of the things I currently value don't even appear on the list, as well as how many things are on the list that I barely remember. Although this partially reflects the issues with "set and forget" life steering (which I acknowledge in the first paragraph, I think that I also didn't put a lot of thought into the items. Several of them are also ridiculously vague, ie "Have more ideas", and thus don't lend well to evaluation of success. I will hopefully fix those issues with this year's goals.
I also tried to assign scores out of 10 rating how well I did. I'm not sure how much these numbers mean. Anyways, here we go:
Communication (6/10)
My goal was to be a more precise communicator. Both of my concrete goals (Speech and Debate and Social Hacking) didn't happen; the former because I didn't have time and didn't like the team, and the second because, if I'm being honest with myself, I lacked the courage and motivation.
However, I do think I've become a better organizer, and a more eloquent speaker. I've written a good number of emails I'm proud of, as well as a few impromptu speeches. I'm not as concerned about this anymore, though I'm considering trying to do toastmasters during the school year to become a better public speaker.
Math (4/10)
Funnily enough, I did not end up taking any of the math classes I mentioned wanting to take (18.102, 18.100, 18.065). In hindsight, the only one I regret not taking is 18.065 (Matrix Methods for Computation) because it would have been pretty helpful in some of the summer work I ended up doing.
I do think that I'm better at math than I used to be. I learned a lot about probability (something I was weak in but didn't acknowledge in the post), and I took Abstract Algebra this last semester, which gave me a taste for that kind of math class. I think I'm also significantly better at thinking about certain types of operators and Hilbert space as a result of taking Quantum Mechanics 2 this previous semester.
I've sortof decided that my "math is super cool" belief was the product of those around me, and isn't something I care about quite as much as I believed.
Coding (4/10)
I wanted to get more fluent in Python. I think I've done an alright job, but I don't think I've improved a lot. I think my skills have grown wider, rather than deeper, although that might just be the nature of the field. Although I don't think I'm much better at making large projects, I think I'm a lot better at bodging things together that work. I know a little frontend, I'm comfortable with AWS, I'm better at using Git, etc. I think taking 6.101 (fundamentals of programming) was a relatively good use of my time, though 6.120 was a terrible idea, and is probably the class I most regret taking.
Network (7/10)
I wanted to "meet and know more people without feeling like the most superficial person known to man." I think I was fairly successful in this goal during the semester in question, though I have more nuanced thoughts on this one. I have a lot of amazing friends, and the fact that I just consider them friends means it doesn't feel superficial. I slowed down getting lunch with people, and I probably could have a broader network than I do now.
There were some interesting components to this goal that I didn't remember. I wanted to do a better job at telling people my name (and about me in general), and also do a better job at asking people about themselves. I think I'm better at the first. I don't think I'm better at the second. I think I could have a lower bar for asking people personal questions about themselves.
Have more ideas (5/10)
I felt like my brain was too lazy. I didn't want to live like a passive observer, and instead analyze and dissect the world around me more. I think this is a fairly worthy goal. I'm not sure how I expected listening to less music to meaningfully change it though. I suspect a significant portion of it is a deeper aspect of my brain chemistry that would be too difficult to change. But, I do think that I've improved on it a bit as I've grown older.
I think I'm more critical of the media I take in. I also have strong opinions on certain ideas, and often share them. I'm not sure how much of this is having more ideas as much as suppressing less ideas. I think I've gotten more confident in my opinions.
Run really fucking far (3/10)
I basically failed. The longest run I've ever done is still 36.6 miles on July --- 2021. I spent a good portion of fall semester recovering from some shin splints, but don't really have any good excuses for why it couldn't happen over the summer (other than that I was effectively homeless and kind of sad). I did run 27 miles on my birthday in October, and did a few 20 mile runs throughout the year, so I do get some credit.
I think that this is something I still care about a lot, and one of the regrets of the year. I fell for the "I'm not ready" excuse, even though I've never been ready for anything I've done. Long distance running is a really useful prop for my ego, and something that correlates with my mental health.
Be a better friend (8/10) then (5/10)
This ended up being fairly similar to the network goal, though I'll still cover it briefly. I think I did a pretty good job of this during spring semester. I organized a lot of fun trips, and got dinner regularly with most of the people I cared about.
But, this last semester has not gone quite as well. I feel like I've been much less of a positive force, occasionally even causing something like drama, which I've never done before. I'm not exactly sure why. I think I've been more insecure, and that's led me to be less appreciative of others. I think part of it also just comes with the territory of being an upperclassmen. Many of the things that would slide as a freshman aren't cute anymore once you become a sophomore.
Become Filch (2/10)
The basic idea here was to know all of the secret spots around MIT. Although I spent a good number of hours
working on this with Spruce, I don't think I did much after I wrote this post. I got busy with other things, and couldn't afford to stay up till 4am trying to card every door onto the rooftop of a random building.
I also don't value this as much. I care much more about the health of the community as a whole, and doing cool, visible things, rather than just being the guy who knows how to get everywhere.
It's also worth mentioning that this was significantly curtailed between April and November for reasons I will not explain in this post.
Good summer plans (4/10)
I don't think I did that good a job of this. I didn't want to miss out on opportunities just because I didn't think ahead enough. But, everything I did basically required no planning, so I don't think I did a great job of planning. I wanted something to put on my resume by the end of the semester, which didn't end up happening.
But, I did do some interesting stuff which has carried over nicely into this last semester, and I went some cool places and had fun. So it wasn't a total waste, especially given what else I could have done.
A year of fun
Despite my best efforts to do nothing but grind all year, I ended up having a little bit of fun. Here are my 5 favorite things I've done this year in no particular order:
Spring Break Trip
Me and 6 friends rented a tiny wooden cabin in NH for spring break last year. This was an incredibly good experience. I became much closer with everyone there, and got a lot of great stories out of it. 10/10 would recommend doing this.
Summer Road Trip
I went on a 2500 miles, 10 day road trip with two of my best friends from high school. We went to 5 national parks, literally almost died climbing a mountain, accidentally crashed a Canadian teenager’s punk-themed birthday party, volunteered at Montana State freshman move in, and stumbled across the world’s first nuclear reactor on the side of the road in Idaho. It could be a whole post in and of itself, but I am not a travel blogger. Truly one to remember.
Three Points
EPIC music festival in Miami that I went to with my friend Spruce. Saw Grimes, Fred Again, Skrillex, Nia Archives, Iggy Pop (somehow he’s still touring?), and a bunch more. Had never been to a music festival at that scale before. Cost a lot of money, so I probably won’t be doing it too often till the big checks start hitting though.
Painting my room
On of the best nights of the year started during a hall party. After a few drinks, I decided it was finally time to paint the inside of my room. Which I proceeded to do over the course of ~8 hours. Spilled so much paint, and accidentally dissolved a plastic solo cup with paint thinner, but this was insanely fun. In general I had a ton of fun doing room modifications, but this one stands out.
Solo backpacking in the Siskiyous
I went on a solo, one night backpacking trip in the Californian Siskiyous over the summer. This stands out because I think it was the first time I’ve ever planned a trip just for me. It was an interesting experience for me, because I usually always make decisions based on what’s best for the group, so I had to be more in touch with what I actually wanted to do. Was really freeing, and I hope to do more stuff like this.
I did a ton of other fun things with a ton of other fun people, but again, I’m not a travel blogger, and this post is at 3500+ words. I enjoyed a lot of the outdoor stuff I did, and hope to do more this coming year! Considering buying a car to make this stuff easier to do.
A dangerous pit of self-loathing
After writing the initial review of last years’ goals, I decided it would be a good exercise to criticize the previous year as harshly as possible. I then proceeded to tear into the previous year with such fury and self-loathing that I sunk into a depression and nearly gave up on this post altogether. In hindsight, I’m not sure that this was a useful exercise.
I will spare you the raw draft of this part, but will provide a summary for completeness:
I didn't succeed in most of the goals I listed for one semester, despite having two.
My blogposts have dropped off.
The projects that are going well are not solo-endeavors, and I feel like I'm being carried along in them I'm probably more selfish than I've ever been before.
I'm failing upwards, and my over-inflated ego will never let myself return to a more appropriate level for my skills, which would be the only way to feel like I've earned the things I've achieved.
My romantic life is a mess, I lose interest in dating apps and choose bad people to chase.
I'm not very responsible with my finances, and have started spending money on things I would never have in the past (despite not making very much more money).
I’ve read maybe 5 books.
I'm insecure in friendships that used to feel very solid.
I hardly see my parents, treating their best efforts to make even the least intrusive plans like shit, cancelling on short notice.
My summer plans are still nonexistent, and I missed all the deadlines for a lot of good options.
Despite this decade being the most important period of human history, I preoccupy myself with things like whether a specific floor on a specific dorm in a specific school keeps a few specific traditions alive.
Despite plenty of opportunities where I could rise to the occasion, I consistently feel like I settle for mediocrity, the result of having too many fingers in too many pots.
Praise
Ok, enough of that. Most of those bullet points aren't things I fully believe. But I think there are some half- truths to a lot of them.
Now I will attempt to give a more positive review of the year. Even though it's just one "specific floor on a specific dorm in a specific school", I'm so fucking proud that Putz isn't just alive, but is going strong. My floor in East Campus is fucking killing it. I think we're doing better than when we had a dorm. Although there are areas I think we're still lacking in, the energy is there, and it's only a matter of time before we reach a level of activity and Doing Shit we haven't seen since before COVID.
I'm proud of the unexpected revolutionary work I've done at Burton Conner, the dorm I'm living at while East Campus is being renovated. Long story short, there’s been a lot of drama with the Mural Policy. Over the past decade, MIT administration has attempted to take a new position in their treatment of dorms. Where previously, students had near complete autonomy over dorm governance, many of the freedoms previously held have been stripped in the name of "emulating peer institutions". One of these was the privilege to paint murals directly on the walls of the dorm. After a series of "renegade murals" appeared around the dorm, I became obsessed with organizing the disorganized acts into a directed front at the correct people. Although I'm still questioning if all the decisions were correct, I got a lot of useful experience for when I move back into EC in the future.
This semester has, more than anything else, been about building communities. Whether this is interviewing candidates for the Webteam, recruiting new members to either of my halls, or trying to make MAIA a better and more streamlined club, I've had to spend more time then ever trying to create communities. I still honestly don't know how naturally good at it I am, but It's something that feels really important, and I hope to continue it. I learned that interesting people don't necessarily make a good addition to a community, and that I need to filter for some quality of caring about community as well.
Here's a disorganized list of ways I'm better than I was a year ago.
I know what group theory is, and I think I'm able to think in this mindset.
I understand a lot more about probability. I'm better at combinatorics problems, and I have detailed notes about really important concepts in the field.
I know a lot more about how MIT admin works. I know the whole structure, and I know a lot more people who have influential roles in the ways things get carried out.
I’ve maintained really solid friendships with all of my friends from home!
I know my drinking limit.
I'm way better at asking people out (which is not saying that much, to be fair).
I actually know Quantum Mechanics! Although I've only taken two semesters of it, I think I have a really solid understanding of how it works at both the coarse-grained mathematical level, as well as the higher level stuff. I think this is really cool!
I've started organizing things again! I think I took a break on trying to be social glue, since I was new to school and sort of forgot that that was a really useful social strategy for me in high school.
I'm a lot more confident in my ability to just build things. I made a really stupid web thing in a few days, and it mostly worked! I think this is partially a result of ChatGPT, but I think I also have a mindset of expecting things to be easy, which I didn't use to have. Regardless of if things usually are easy, believing that I can do it makes me much more likely to actually do things.
I know so fucking much about AI. I’ve read dozens of papers, and think I have at least a rudimentary understanding of most aspects of the field.
I know so much more about the history of China! This is a class I took last semester which I really enjoyed. Though I didn't do as many of the readings as I wish I did, I'm really glad I'm able to enjoy this subject the way I did in high school.
My general life maintenance has been a lot better. I’ve figured out a work schedule that works for me, I’m more on top of my school work, and I consistently go to bed by 2am. Maybe I’ll go into more detail on this in another post.
I’ve learned (through experience) a lot about what it’s like to start a company, and how to interview people effectively.
My leg is no longer broken!
I’m really excited about all the projects I’m working on, and don’t feel the pressing “is this the right thing for me to be doing right now” question that I always used to feel.
I'm just a lot better at organizing events. Though I still have a lot of work to do, and make the same mistakes more often than I wish, I think that I'm able to be more organized and hit the deadlines I have to hit
Goals
First/Cofirst author a paper
This is probably the most ambitious goal on this list. But I think it's the right one for me right now. Research along an AI safety adjacent direction is currently my most likely career path. I believe that testing this, by fully owning a project, would give me invaluable experience as well as information about whether this is something I actually want to do.
Become a Keyholder at MITERS
MITERS is a student-run maker space at MIT. Putz used to be very active there, but that has decreased significantly due to COVID. Becoming a key holder requires being competent in using all the tools, and gives you 24/7 access to the space.
Write 20 blogposts
I wrote 14 blogposts in 2023. Most of them were concentrated around the beginning of the year. If I maintain a pace of approximately 2/month, I should be able to accomplish this. Blogposts force me to fully flesh out the ideas I'm thinking about, and force me to see something through from start to finish.
Be more cognizant of what I'm learning
I'm not sure I'm always a super active learner. I learn things, but don't always fully follow them through, or connect them to other ideas or applications. In an attempt to address this, I'm going to start posting daily tidbits, which are one thing I learned every day. I'm taking this idea from Kenny Gu. We'll see if it works for me, and how consistently I'm able to do it. I'd like to post daily, and my scoring at the end of the year will reflect this.
Do more things for myself
I really enjoyed my trip to the Siskiyous. I think planning solo trips is really good for me. It forces me to live in the real world, since there’s no one else’s bullshit to deal with. It’s really hard to get myself to do this, since wanting to do things with others is the primary reason I plan events. I did one solo trip this year, I’d like to do at least three solo, overnight adventures this year.
Have stronger opinions on the state of AI
As someone who is planning on spending a career in this field, as well as someone who has a fairly large lever to pull in the field (through MAIA), I think that it’s embarrassing how few takes I have on the field. Do I prefer empirical or theoretical research? What governance approaches am I the biggest fan of? What’s my elevator pitch on why we should be worried about AI X-risk? Do I think RSP’s are going to do anything? What are my timelines? I’ve avoided answering a lot of hard questions for a long time, with cop-outs like “I don’t have timelines” (said with a superior smirk). Time to be an adult. I’m planning to write an AI safety position paper, which will hopefully help with this.